And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
