just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
