im six kinds of drunk right now
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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