i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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