I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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