I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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