During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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