The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
