This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
