I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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