Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
