Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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