you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
