i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
