dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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