I faked an abortion last night.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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