He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
