Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
