It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
