Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
this hospital has no fireball
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
