we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
