No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
