I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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