He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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