you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
