idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
