apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
