He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
