Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
