woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
