Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
