my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Let the clothes fall where they may.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
