If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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