Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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