Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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