i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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