Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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