I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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