FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
