His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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