Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
is wine microwaveable?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
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