anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
