sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
