drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
