I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
