Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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