with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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