Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
