so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
FUCK WHALES
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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