I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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