Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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