So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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