He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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