Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
