It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
