I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
