I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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