I just pynch a tree in the face
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
