she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
