I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize