Pappa wants mamma naked
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
