So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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