Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
