He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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