A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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