My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
