U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
