We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
