I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
