I'm lost and stupid without you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
