You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
