I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
