sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
